Let's Skip The Holidays

Everyone is all up in a tizzy about the economy. Yet this year, just like all the others, we are buying up stuff we can't afford, for people that we don't really like, only to bounce from house to house with screaming kids and annoying family members and dragging more useless stuff back to our already over crowded homes.

I mean have you been inside a Walmart, Toys R Us, or Target? There are carts filled to the brim. I'm sure that the credit card companies are loving it. And then come January we moan and groan and swear to never do it again. Next year will be different. Next year we'll concentrate on the true meaning behind the holidays. Mmmm-hmmmm. Sure. We said that last year and the year before. (Definition of Insanity: doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results)

So come on, who's with me? I say we skip the holidays and just stay home. The kids can play with whatever toy that they were lucky enough to get and mom and dad can stay in the warm house without dragging anyone kicking and screaming into the car.

Need a Job? Take Out an Ad.

Go ahead, slam me if you want to. I was looking at the classified ads today and normally there are several pages of help wanted ads. There was a page and a half-which is understandable because of the economy. Then there IT was. The "people seeking work" section. THREE columns long. Did I miss something? So now people are too lazy to LOOK for a job? But they can PAY to put an ad in the paper. WTH? Get off your a** and walk the pavement, shoot just call around.

I know for a fact that there are stores hiring for the holidays. Get a job there until after the holidays and find a regular job. You can even still look for a job while working the hours at these stores. I know the economy sucks right now, but get up and get out. Oh wait, I forgot. You can put an ad in the paper and wish like hell that someone reads it and calls YOU. Cuz I know that employers go through the classified ads in the local paper to hire people.

Why?

I drove my kids to school this morning because I still have yet to figure out when the bus comes in the AM.

As I'm driving back, I see a bus stopped to pick up kids. (it's 3 blocks from the school) No joke. Then I almost had a wreck as I see the van in the driveway (where the kids was just picked up) back down the 100 foot driveway and park. I know it was sprinkling. Actually it was more of a mist. But to sit in the car waiting for the bus at the end of your own driveway? Not only that but you only live 3 blocks from school! Just drive the kid to school. You're already up and in the car. What is wrong with this picture?

I remember walking to the end of the neighborhood, whether it was raining or not, and standing in the heat, cold, rain, whatever until the bus showed. Sometimes we got lucky and someone's mom or dad would sit at the bus stop (if it was REALLY cold, or pouring buckets) and let us all pile in their car. But one of us had to stand outside at the stop or the bus would just keep going, they didn't even slow down.

So why oh why are you sleeping in your warm van instead of just taking your kids to school?

And The Award Goes To

What the hell was this person thinking? Hey I'll shove this giant rubber thing in my car and no one will notice. How did he park with this thing? Did he put it in the car for safe keeping? "Yo Dude, don't leave that on top of the car. Someone might steal it."
WTH?

Just for fun

I said no nasty comments, but feel free to add any non nasty comments.

Not a Laughing Matter-Go VOTE

Stupid = Those that don't vote and then bitch about the way things are. If you don't vote then you can't bitch and complain. Pure and simple. So go vote and earn your right to bitch and complain about the government and the way things are run.

I Tried to Blow Up My House

Not on purpose mind you. I set the timer on the microwave to time something in the oven. At least I thought it was just the timer. About 10-15 minutes into the timer the microwave turns off. It just shuts down. Turns out I hadn't set the timer, I had TURNED ON THE MICROWAVE! With NOTHING in it. Hmmmm, thank God my microwave has an automatic shut off if it gets too hot. Otherwise I could have blown up the whole kitchen. Have a good laugh at me. Sad thing is? This isn't the first time I've done it.

You know you've watched it

You know you've seen Jerry Springer at least once in your life. It wouldn't have been on television as long as it has if people didn't watch it. So I present to you stupid at it's best and breeding more stupid people.

Joe the Plumber

I just have to say that the media have really outdone themselves this time. The poor man simply asked Obama a question and suddenly he is being attacked like some Russian spy in a bad double agent movie.

HELLOOOOOO! I hate to disappoint all of you, but it doesn't matter if the man was a plant or not. (I personally don't think he was.)

Obama answered the question for himself. He's the one that put his neck out there. So I'm sorry if you don't like his answer but it's the one he gave. It's what he stands for. Have you missed that?

So leave Joe the plumber ALONE!!! All he did was ask a freaking question. It's mister "we need a change" that screwed up the answer. Oh wait, maybe he didn't screw it up. Maybe he really did mean that he should tax those that have built their businesses from the ground up and give the money to those that are happy to work at McDonald's the rest of their life. Oops, did I say that? Bad Shelly. Bring on the hate mail.

Easing My Road Rage

I have discovered that this blog is helping me with my road rage issues. Instead of getting mad I find myself thinking that the stupid driver in front of me gives me yet another blog post.

Yesterday I was driving to my aunt's anniversary party. I'm sitting at a red light on a four lane road. (That's four lanes in one direction) I am in the third lane from the right. As the light turns green I notice that the car to my left has their front end in front of me. So I let them over. They then proceed to turn on their RIGHT blinker and try to make their way over two more lanes of traffic in order to reach the right hand turn lane. Normally this wouldn't be such a big deal, but we are TWO CAR LENGTHS from the red light. No sh**. This car is going to cause a huge pile up because they're too f***ing lazy to go down to the next light, make a u-turn, and come back to the road they need to be on. The lady was even holding her hand out the window trying to flag down cars doing 55+ to stop and let them over as the driver proceeded to stick the nose of his small car into their lane.

AAAAAHHHHHHHH! But I avoided an accident and road rage by thinking how much fun I would have venting about it to you folks.

Not a happy camper

So I take my youngest to the doctor to get his check up today. He had to get five shots. GOT THAT? FIVE! He was sort of behind because I have been slack in the check up department. I have four kids, sue me.

So I'm all like, that's a lot for a 19 month old. Couldn't we just spread them out and I'll come back every other month? Oh it's fine, she says. I would do all EIGHT, but really five is the most we give at one time. It's average, no big deal. WHAT?

Then she asks if he still takes a bottle. I'm all like "No he never took one." Her "So does he still breastfeed?" Me "At bedtime." I know, I know. Don't send me hate mail. I NEVER thought I would breastfeed a kid after the age of one. Truth be told, the others only made it to three months.

THEN she says, "I can't believe he's done (breastfeeding) so well since he's tongue-tied." Yes, it's a real condition. But it hasn't seemed to hurt him one bit.

THEN she says, "He's in the 50% of his age group. Is he drinking any whole milk?" NO!
"You really should be giving him whole milk to help him gain weight. I would feel better knowing he was getting all of those nutrients."

WTF! Isn't breastmilk suppose to be best for babies? So I'm suppose to stop with the breastfeeding and give him COW'S MILK? So I can what? FATTEN HIM UP!?!
Did I miss something? The boy eats anything you put in front of him. Fruits, veggies, meat, desserts, everything-AND I told her this. But I'm suppose to give him cow's milk to fatten him up and this from the woman who is about to inject five different chemicals into his little body and then play guess which one causes the allergic reaction if there is one.

I'm not an extremist but that shit just makes me want to up and join a commune!!

This Says It All

I had a post all ready for today and I didn't write it down so now it's lost somewhere in the dark, dank, vastness of my ever shrinking brain. So now I'm at a loss for words, but WTH, Bring It ON!

Made me do a double take

I drove past a church today with a sign out front that made me wonder, are the marquees in front of churches for the people that go to that church or for those who don't?
I wonder this because here's what it said: "Remember you are not someone special. You are a sinner saved by grace."

I think I get the point that they were trying to make, however, if you attend that church then wouldn't a sermon on Sunday be more appropriate? And if it's for those that don't attend church, I don't believe that statement is going to have people breaking down the doors to get in.

I understand that as Christians we should remember that we are not owed the forgiveness that Christ died for, it is a gift. But obviously we are someone special or else HE wouldn't have died for us at all.

Just thought that they were shooting themselves in the foot with this one.

Stupid Signs Abound

Maybe this was the sign the driver in front of me was reading the other day. Of course it also goes with something that happened when I was little.

My mom got caught going the wrong way down a one way street. The cop told her, "This is a one way street" Her response was "I was only going one way."

Thankfully we were out of town and the cop had a sense of humor.

Please Do It!!

I live in a small town that is near the state line, so we have a lot of 18 wheelers that go through town. This morning I was pulling up to the red light and there was a shiny, red, low-rider truck in front of me and an 18 wheeler in front of him. The 18 wheeler was attempting a right hand turn. The red truck pulled right up behind him and I stayed back about 20-30 feet. You see there is a utility pole on the right and it is very hard for a large truck to turn there without having to back up. Low and behold the 18 wheeler starts backing up. I sit and wait for the red truck to back up. I wait and wait. The 18 wheeler is getting closer and closer to the red truck. Finally, just when I think he's going to get squished, he backs up. A little. Now remember I've left about 2-3 car lengths between him and me, so there's plenty of room. He just refuses to move.

I know it sounds mean, but I was almost anxiously awaiting the crunch. I didn't want anyone to get hurt, just some metal cracked. When the red truck finally turns I see inside a teenage boy driver. UGH! I was tempted to pull up beside him and offer him a stupid sign. Hee Hee.

Stupid Sign

I'm not sure what to say about this. How about, don't do drugs and make signs at the same time. I, well, I, it's just . . . LOL I'm speechless. ROFLMAO

ROFLMAO

I live in the sticks

So football practice started last night and and at some point half the boys (5 &6 yr olds) all have to go pee. You know they don't, but at that age it seems to be a group thing.
So anyway I overhear a couple of moms talking and I kid you not this is what I hear "I don't know why they have to go all the way over to the other building. I just tell mine to go find a tree." "Yeah, it's like go on over there beside the building. Nobody's looking."

WHAT? Ok, I understand if it's an emergency and there is no place else to go, but come on ladies, there is a bathroom available teach the poor kid to use it.
Every team was out on the field practicing and she's like "use a tree". That's just nasty. (Maybe I'm a snob, don't know, but gross-too many people for that sort of thing.)

I should not have been surprised however because when we first moved in, our neighbor's son was potty training and she let him pee off the back porch. WE LIVE ON A MAIN ROAD. There's no privacy fence, the back porch is a concrete slab for all to see. The kicker? He does it because daddy does. What? I made sure to never look towards their house when I knew he was home. God only knows what I would have seen. Thankfully they moved. But I wonder how their "city" neighbors took to their back porch habits. LOL

Tuesday Toons

One pussy cat sees another.

Saturday Stupid Signs

Now this sign some people would agree with. But normally they don't advertise so nicely.




If you're driving down the road and suddenly this 6 or 7 foot tall animal that weighs like 600 pounds is in the road are you really going to NOT SEE IT? If you don't see it then maybe you should have stayed at the bar and slept it off.

The Beauty of Television

I saw a new weightloss commercial the other day. You've seen the one with the animated lady and her husband? They both quit drinking sodas, he shrinks to almost nothing and she actually balloons larger.

I saw a new pencil drawing for a new product. It's just a lady talking about how this new drink supplement helped her lose weight. Get this at the bottom of the screen is this disclaimer.

"Cartoon weight loss not actual results. Real people require diet and exercise to lose weight."

WHAT THE @%$#?

I know that some advertising is misleading but to out and out lie? OMG! What is wrong with people these days? Is there no limit as to at least a sliver of truth is advertising a product?

Stupid Sign Sunday

This one needs no explanation. Hee Hee.






Did you notice the threats? No bombs, No Gun, No ARMED MIDGETS Do you have many armed midgets showing up at your door?

Saturday's Stupid Signs

Now you know you want to hang this in your office. LOL And you know that you know people you wish you could have set on fire. :)


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As opposed to what? If you need this sign then you SHOULD NOT be driving. Hell, you probably shouldn't even come out of your house.

Have you seen?

Have you seen the new Burger King commercial for their apple fries? It shows 'the king' coming home to his family. Him in his kingly robes and giant plastic head to his normal wife and daughter and his little plastic head son.

The bottom of the screen reads "Dramatization"

I'm sorry. I didn't realize that there were people out there that thought the king with the plastic head was real. Come on. It's really necessary to put this? Of course I hate to point out that if there are people that need to read it then they are only going to assume that it means that perhaps those aren't the king's REAL family, just actors.

Fast Food Workers

have you been in a fast food place lately? Is it just me or are these people getting dumber? Or maybe they just don't care. When I go inside and order the first thing I tell the person is whether it's "for here" or "to go". And almost every freakin' time they get done taking my order and ask "Is that for here?" WHAT? I'm sorry, did you miss the beginning of the conversation? It's not like they ask "You said for here, right?" NOPE. They are legitimately asking a question I've already answered.

Secondly, I went through the drive thru a few weeks ago and get this. I didn't get someone elses order. I got half of my order with a receipt that was someone elses. The kicker is that the receipt didn't match ANYTHING in the bag. I mean not ONE freakin' thing. Hello! I mean come on, if you're going to mess up the order at least have the receipt match something in the bag.

Not sure if this is a stupid or just a pain in the a$$. But I had to vent.

Commercial

So I'm watching tv last night and that new Quizno's commercial comes on. The one where the person is eating the $5.00. If you haven't seen it, it talks about "there's a better way to eat $5. The new $5 footlong." or something like that. There's one commercial that shows a lady eating a $5 bill. The one I saw last night shows a dude eating a roll of coins (with $5 written on the side).

Guess what it says on the bottom of the screen in small print? DO NOT ATTEMPT.
Once again. This is necessary? The only people I know that are going to try this aren't old enough to know how to read anyway. Are we now officially a society of idiots?

WHAT?

Message received on my CELL PHONE VOICE MAIL
"Hey if you're there pickup. If you can hear me please pick up. Hello? Hello? Are you there? Please pick up."
I'm speechless.

Again Warning Labels

Do not put child in basket. Remove child before folding.---These were on a stroller. And this is a problem? Well Sally's in the seat so let's put Tommy in the basket. (Tommy goes crashing to the ground) Guess I should have read the warning label. Hurry up get in the car. I'll put the stroller in the back. (An hour later) where's Tommy?

Do not use while sleeping. --On a hairdryer. I know I always sleepdry my hair. Forget sleep walking. I can set the house on fire in my sleep.

For external use only --On a curling iron I don't even want to know why they had to put that. OMG!

Insanity

SO I've been trying to do all these changes in my life. Like how I handle stress, how I clean the house, how much I eat. . . etc.
I've decided that the definition of insanity is completely correct. Insanity is doing the exact same thing over and over and expecting different results.

How many of us are smacking our heads against the brick wall and then wondering why we have a headache?

My four year old keeps running through the house in her socks (on hardwood floors) and still wonders why she's constantly falling on her butt.

Side note: Have you seen the lady that squashes beer cans with her (giant) boobs? How do you discover this talent? And how many times has she knocked herself out with those boobs?

On that America's Got Talent, there was a guy who did animal noises. He said he learned from going home and sitting in the closet and practicing. So what? He's out of the closet now? After hearing his sucky imitations I'm thinking it's time for him to go back in the closet.

Ever notice

Do you ever notice the men on the side of the highway sitting down on their suitcase with their thumb out?
Yes, I know they're called hitchhikers. Ever pick one up? Come on confess. Ok maybe not.
My thing is if you're really trying to get somewhere then start walking. If I see you making an effort to get where you're going then maybe I'll pick you up and help you out. If you're just sitting on your a** then just keep sitting. Maybe you'll get there by osmosis. :)

Again with

the warning labels. Label on a Razor scooter: this object moves while in use.
No S***! It's a scooter, it has WHEELS!

Just Confess

I watched this show called Speeders last night. It's all about the stupid things people say when the cop pulls them over for speeding. Most of them sit there dumbfounded.

This one lady was pulled over for not yielding to pedestrians and for not wearing your seat belt. They were in California. The lady's response to the seat belt was "Well I'm from Minnesota and we don't have to wear seat belts there. I think it should be my decision as to whether I wear the seat belt or not. It's my life." WHAT?

Her response to almost running someone over was "he(the pedestrian) waved me by."
Well DUH lady. He didn't want to get run over and you were obviously going to make the turn whether he was there or not. Hello?

Of course you know the pedestrian guy is laughing his ass off when she gets pulled over. Cuz you know you would be too.

I think there should be signs for your cars that say "Caution: stupid driver, proceed with defensive driving." Kind of a take off from Bill Enval.

What?

I'm watching this commercial where this lady bites a pair of golf clubs and bends them in half. Then she ribs the convertible top off a car with her teeth. Then tears a tire into shreds. All with her teeth. It's an orbitz gum commercial.
Here's the kicker. Half way through the commercial, in small print, it says Do Not Attempt.
WHAT? Do Not Attempt. Helloooo? Is this necessary? And if it is, do you think those stupid people are reading the tiny little letters at the bottom of the screen? NOOOOO. They're sitting there thinking "Hey cool. If I get some Orbitz gum then I'll have Superteeth. Hey dude, let's go get some, I wanna go rip the tires off Bob's car."
Again, I'm like WHAT?

WTF?

So I'm driving down the expressway, going about 80, along with everyone else. The speedlimit is 70. So we're crusing along and everyone spot a cop on the median. well, most people start taking their foot off the gas. Although at this point he's already zapped someone so it's a lost cause. Suddenly the mustang in front of me (in the fast lane) 'spots' the cop. We're directly across from him. He slams on his brakes. Got that? We're doing 80 on the expressway and he slams on his brakes. He slams on his freakin' brakes. So I have to slam on mine (there's no way to get over yet). I'm all like WTF? I swerve over to the next lane and look in my rearview mirror and guess who gets pulled over? Yep, the mustang. I'm guessing it wasn't for speeding. LOL How about for trying to cause a freakin pile up so that you don't get a freakin' speeding ticket!!
Again I say WTF? Of course since no one was hurt I was cracking up.

Name on Card

So I'm talking to a biz friend the other day on the phone and she starts cracking up. I'm like 'what what?'
You know when you fill out a credit payment form online and it says Name On Card?
How many of you realize that means YOUR name? No really. It wants you to put the name of the person who is listed on the card.
Know what? Some people have put: Chase, Bank of America, American Express Blue

How do you do Mr. Blue? Do you go by American Express or just American or is it A.E.?
Come on. You know it's funny.
Makes you just shake your head and smile, doesn't it?

My Own Stupid

How many of you have ever had dirty dishes in the sink and company will be there in 5 minutes? Confession time: How many of you shove the dirty dishes in the oven for temporary cleaning?
I'm sure I'm not the only one guilty of this. Come on, I know at least a handful of you have done it.
Well, note to self, DO NOT DO THIS AGAIN! Burnt plastic is not a smell you want first thing in the morning. All I have to say is praise God that the plastic wasn't sitting directly on the oven racks. But I don't think there will be a next time. LOL

Phone calls

Ever have this happen to you?
You're sitting at home and someone calls. During the call you tell the person you need to go so call back in a few minutes. Their response is sure, are you home?
What?!? You called me remember.

Thoughts in my head

If the Waffle House (a southern restaurant) is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year, then why are there locks on the doors?

Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?

Why is it that it can be 70 degrees in the house and if the sun is out it feels warm but if it's cloudy then it feels cold? It's still the same freakin' temperature!!!!

Label on shampoo: Do not store below 40 degrees. Question: How often do you freeze your shampoo?

Why do we tell our kids nite nite don't let the bed bugs bite and then expect them to sleep (with the imaginary bugs) oh but by the way there are no monsters. What?

Size Doesn't Matter

We recently got a puppy. A papillion. For those who don't know what that is, it's a lap dog. I didn't know what it was either.
Well she weighs less than 10 lbs right now. When I take her outside she insists on trying to chase cars. Each time a car goes by she perks her ears up and runs to the end of her leash.
I'm like, what are you going to do if you catch one? Wrap your teeth around the bumper and hang on for dear life?
Plus she barks like she's a big dog. Our neighbor's dog was outside the other day (he can knock down a grown man) and it started barking at our puppy. She stands up and just started yapping right back, like 'bring it on big boy'. I was almost rolling on the ground.

Gotta Laugh

Bumper Sticker on a large 'monster truck'
If you can't stop then smile as you go under.

Warning Labels

Have you ever looked at a warning label and thought "Why is that warning necessary?"
I'll tell you why, because someone actually tried it! Why else would manufacturers have to put such stupid warnings? They have to protect themselves from those around us that only use 1 % of their brain.
Examples: On the back of a tube of hemorrhoid cream- "Do not eat"
On a bottle of baby lotion "For external use only"
On an aerosol cleaning can "Do not store above 120 degrees"
Are these actual problems?
'Hey let's put this cream on a bagel and see how it tastes.'
'Sarah's got a sore throat, let's put some lotion in her throat and see if that helps.'
I don't have a quote for the last one but-where in YOUR HOUSE gets up to 120 degrees (besides the oven). If it's over 120 in your house then you don't need aerosol cleaners you need a freakin air conditioner!