Just hanging out in the middle of the ocean

So maybe he wasn't in the middle of the ocean, but the 30 something year old man claims he fell overboard. Off a cruise ship. AND no one noticed. (No one on that ship had been reported missing.

Here's the story.

I'm curious as to how someone falls over the tall railing by accident. Hey dude, what were you doing up on the railing? And who are you that no one gives a rat's ass what happened to you? You're missing for several days and no one says, "Hey where's Bob?"

I get it. You're never in the same bed twice? Or maybe you stay so freakin' drunk that no one, not even you, is sure how you got whereever you are?

Hmmmm, the whole story sounds messed up to me. Start talking dude.

Why?

I drove my kids to school this morning because I still have yet to figure out when the bus comes in the AM.

As I'm driving back, I see a bus stopped to pick up kids. (it's 3 blocks from the school) No joke. Then I almost had a wreck as I see the van in the driveway (where the kids was just picked up) back down the 100 foot driveway and park. I know it was sprinkling. Actually it was more of a mist. But to sit in the car waiting for the bus at the end of your own driveway? Not only that but you only live 3 blocks from school! Just drive the kid to school. You're already up and in the car. What is wrong with this picture?

I remember walking to the end of the neighborhood, whether it was raining or not, and standing in the heat, cold, rain, whatever until the bus showed. Sometimes we got lucky and someone's mom or dad would sit at the bus stop (if it was REALLY cold, or pouring buckets) and let us all pile in their car. But one of us had to stand outside at the stop or the bus would just keep going, they didn't even slow down.

So why oh why are you sleeping in your warm van instead of just taking your kids to school?

I Tried to Blow Up My House

Not on purpose mind you. I set the timer on the microwave to time something in the oven. At least I thought it was just the timer. About 10-15 minutes into the timer the microwave turns off. It just shuts down. Turns out I hadn't set the timer, I had TURNED ON THE MICROWAVE! With NOTHING in it. Hmmmm, thank God my microwave has an automatic shut off if it gets too hot. Otherwise I could have blown up the whole kitchen. Have a good laugh at me. Sad thing is? This isn't the first time I've done it.

You know you've watched it

You know you've seen Jerry Springer at least once in your life. It wouldn't have been on television as long as it has if people didn't watch it. So I present to you stupid at it's best and breeding more stupid people.

Joe the Plumber

I just have to say that the media have really outdone themselves this time. The poor man simply asked Obama a question and suddenly he is being attacked like some Russian spy in a bad double agent movie.

HELLOOOOOO! I hate to disappoint all of you, but it doesn't matter if the man was a plant or not. (I personally don't think he was.)

Obama answered the question for himself. He's the one that put his neck out there. So I'm sorry if you don't like his answer but it's the one he gave. It's what he stands for. Have you missed that?

So leave Joe the plumber ALONE!!! All he did was ask a freaking question. It's mister "we need a change" that screwed up the answer. Oh wait, maybe he didn't screw it up. Maybe he really did mean that he should tax those that have built their businesses from the ground up and give the money to those that are happy to work at McDonald's the rest of their life. Oops, did I say that? Bad Shelly. Bring on the hate mail.

Have you seen?

Have you seen the new Burger King commercial for their apple fries? It shows 'the king' coming home to his family. Him in his kingly robes and giant plastic head to his normal wife and daughter and his little plastic head son.

The bottom of the screen reads "Dramatization"

I'm sorry. I didn't realize that there were people out there that thought the king with the plastic head was real. Come on. It's really necessary to put this? Of course I hate to point out that if there are people that need to read it then they are only going to assume that it means that perhaps those aren't the king's REAL family, just actors.

Fast Food Workers

have you been in a fast food place lately? Is it just me or are these people getting dumber? Or maybe they just don't care. When I go inside and order the first thing I tell the person is whether it's "for here" or "to go". And almost every freakin' time they get done taking my order and ask "Is that for here?" WHAT? I'm sorry, did you miss the beginning of the conversation? It's not like they ask "You said for here, right?" NOPE. They are legitimately asking a question I've already answered.

Secondly, I went through the drive thru a few weeks ago and get this. I didn't get someone elses order. I got half of my order with a receipt that was someone elses. The kicker is that the receipt didn't match ANYTHING in the bag. I mean not ONE freakin' thing. Hello! I mean come on, if you're going to mess up the order at least have the receipt match something in the bag.

Not sure if this is a stupid or just a pain in the a$$. But I had to vent.

Commercial

So I'm watching tv last night and that new Quizno's commercial comes on. The one where the person is eating the $5.00. If you haven't seen it, it talks about "there's a better way to eat $5. The new $5 footlong." or something like that. There's one commercial that shows a lady eating a $5 bill. The one I saw last night shows a dude eating a roll of coins (with $5 written on the side).

Guess what it says on the bottom of the screen in small print? DO NOT ATTEMPT.
Once again. This is necessary? The only people I know that are going to try this aren't old enough to know how to read anyway. Are we now officially a society of idiots?

Insanity

SO I've been trying to do all these changes in my life. Like how I handle stress, how I clean the house, how much I eat. . . etc.
I've decided that the definition of insanity is completely correct. Insanity is doing the exact same thing over and over and expecting different results.

How many of us are smacking our heads against the brick wall and then wondering why we have a headache?

My four year old keeps running through the house in her socks (on hardwood floors) and still wonders why she's constantly falling on her butt.

Side note: Have you seen the lady that squashes beer cans with her (giant) boobs? How do you discover this talent? And how many times has she knocked herself out with those boobs?

On that America's Got Talent, there was a guy who did animal noises. He said he learned from going home and sitting in the closet and practicing. So what? He's out of the closet now? After hearing his sucky imitations I'm thinking it's time for him to go back in the closet.