Here's a Smack in the Face

I was all excited the other day when I Googled my name and saw it on the front page. You see, just a few years ago I Googled my name and was met with information about a FBI agent with the same name. Now, it's my name on the front page. So I start explaining this to my husband thinking he'll be all impressed. Only I'm the one who gets shell shocked. Here's how it went down.

Me: I Googled my name today and discovered that I'm on the front page. The entire front page is all about my book and my writing career. Do you know what that means?

Him: Ummm, that you're an internet whore?

Yep, there it is folks. I'm an internet whore. How's that for support?

Time to come out of "retirement" and vent

I've decided that I need a place to vent and show off the silly stuff I find. So I'm officially starting this blog over. Check back often or become a follower so you don't miss a moment.

Ending Today

I have thought about this long and hard. I am going to close down a few of my blogs and this is one of them. I will not delete it, however there will be no more posts.

Thank you for those that visited.

Obama signs note for girl's school

I hope by now every one has heard about the man who took his 17 yr old daughter to see the president speak. He joked that he hoped she didn't get in trouble and Obama asked if she needed a note. The President then proceeded to write one for her.

This is cute and all and pretty cool for the girl.

Here's my gripe: She very well could have gotten in trouble or at least had an unexcused absence because of the limitations put on students in the public school system!!! I'm sorry, I think that her experienc was much more important than a day in a stuffy classroom! Since when did allowing your kids experience once-in-a-lifetime opportunities become a hinderance to their education? Oh, wait, that's right, the school doesn't GET PAID if the student isn't there. I forgot, stupid me, the almighty dollar is MUCH MORE IMPORTANT than a child's memorable experiences.

Silly me. (Read extreme sarcasm here)

Just hanging out in the middle of the ocean

So maybe he wasn't in the middle of the ocean, but the 30 something year old man claims he fell overboard. Off a cruise ship. AND no one noticed. (No one on that ship had been reported missing.

Here's the story.

I'm curious as to how someone falls over the tall railing by accident. Hey dude, what were you doing up on the railing? And who are you that no one gives a rat's ass what happened to you? You're missing for several days and no one says, "Hey where's Bob?"

I get it. You're never in the same bed twice? Or maybe you stay so freakin' drunk that no one, not even you, is sure how you got whereever you are?

Hmmmm, the whole story sounds messed up to me. Start talking dude.

Man arrested for clearing pothole

You're kidding right? Here's the whole story. But to shorten it all up, the 81 year old man decided he would help out the city and clear out the pothole of debris so that it could get filled. Between you and me, he probably hoped that cleaning it out would help speed the process along.

So now there's a harmless old man behind bars and there are murderers and rapists running amok. Free to strike again. Doesn't the government have a better way to spend it's time? I mean, slap a fine on him (if you must) and send the man home. Oh yeah, and FIX THE FREAKIN' HOLE!

Let's Skip The Holidays

Everyone is all up in a tizzy about the economy. Yet this year, just like all the others, we are buying up stuff we can't afford, for people that we don't really like, only to bounce from house to house with screaming kids and annoying family members and dragging more useless stuff back to our already over crowded homes.

I mean have you been inside a Walmart, Toys R Us, or Target? There are carts filled to the brim. I'm sure that the credit card companies are loving it. And then come January we moan and groan and swear to never do it again. Next year will be different. Next year we'll concentrate on the true meaning behind the holidays. Mmmm-hmmmm. Sure. We said that last year and the year before. (Definition of Insanity: doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results)

So come on, who's with me? I say we skip the holidays and just stay home. The kids can play with whatever toy that they were lucky enough to get and mom and dad can stay in the warm house without dragging anyone kicking and screaming into the car.

Need a Job? Take Out an Ad.

Go ahead, slam me if you want to. I was looking at the classified ads today and normally there are several pages of help wanted ads. There was a page and a half-which is understandable because of the economy. Then there IT was. The "people seeking work" section. THREE columns long. Did I miss something? So now people are too lazy to LOOK for a job? But they can PAY to put an ad in the paper. WTH? Get off your a** and walk the pavement, shoot just call around.

I know for a fact that there are stores hiring for the holidays. Get a job there until after the holidays and find a regular job. You can even still look for a job while working the hours at these stores. I know the economy sucks right now, but get up and get out. Oh wait, I forgot. You can put an ad in the paper and wish like hell that someone reads it and calls YOU. Cuz I know that employers go through the classified ads in the local paper to hire people.

Why?

I drove my kids to school this morning because I still have yet to figure out when the bus comes in the AM.

As I'm driving back, I see a bus stopped to pick up kids. (it's 3 blocks from the school) No joke. Then I almost had a wreck as I see the van in the driveway (where the kids was just picked up) back down the 100 foot driveway and park. I know it was sprinkling. Actually it was more of a mist. But to sit in the car waiting for the bus at the end of your own driveway? Not only that but you only live 3 blocks from school! Just drive the kid to school. You're already up and in the car. What is wrong with this picture?

I remember walking to the end of the neighborhood, whether it was raining or not, and standing in the heat, cold, rain, whatever until the bus showed. Sometimes we got lucky and someone's mom or dad would sit at the bus stop (if it was REALLY cold, or pouring buckets) and let us all pile in their car. But one of us had to stand outside at the stop or the bus would just keep going, they didn't even slow down.

So why oh why are you sleeping in your warm van instead of just taking your kids to school?

And The Award Goes To

What the hell was this person thinking? Hey I'll shove this giant rubber thing in my car and no one will notice. How did he park with this thing? Did he put it in the car for safe keeping? "Yo Dude, don't leave that on top of the car. Someone might steal it."
WTH?

Just for fun

I said no nasty comments, but feel free to add any non nasty comments.

Not a Laughing Matter-Go VOTE

Stupid = Those that don't vote and then bitch about the way things are. If you don't vote then you can't bitch and complain. Pure and simple. So go vote and earn your right to bitch and complain about the government and the way things are run.

I Tried to Blow Up My House

Not on purpose mind you. I set the timer on the microwave to time something in the oven. At least I thought it was just the timer. About 10-15 minutes into the timer the microwave turns off. It just shuts down. Turns out I hadn't set the timer, I had TURNED ON THE MICROWAVE! With NOTHING in it. Hmmmm, thank God my microwave has an automatic shut off if it gets too hot. Otherwise I could have blown up the whole kitchen. Have a good laugh at me. Sad thing is? This isn't the first time I've done it.

You know you've watched it

You know you've seen Jerry Springer at least once in your life. It wouldn't have been on television as long as it has if people didn't watch it. So I present to you stupid at it's best and breeding more stupid people.

Joe the Plumber

I just have to say that the media have really outdone themselves this time. The poor man simply asked Obama a question and suddenly he is being attacked like some Russian spy in a bad double agent movie.

HELLOOOOOO! I hate to disappoint all of you, but it doesn't matter if the man was a plant or not. (I personally don't think he was.)

Obama answered the question for himself. He's the one that put his neck out there. So I'm sorry if you don't like his answer but it's the one he gave. It's what he stands for. Have you missed that?

So leave Joe the plumber ALONE!!! All he did was ask a freaking question. It's mister "we need a change" that screwed up the answer. Oh wait, maybe he didn't screw it up. Maybe he really did mean that he should tax those that have built their businesses from the ground up and give the money to those that are happy to work at McDonald's the rest of their life. Oops, did I say that? Bad Shelly. Bring on the hate mail.

Easing My Road Rage

I have discovered that this blog is helping me with my road rage issues. Instead of getting mad I find myself thinking that the stupid driver in front of me gives me yet another blog post.

Yesterday I was driving to my aunt's anniversary party. I'm sitting at a red light on a four lane road. (That's four lanes in one direction) I am in the third lane from the right. As the light turns green I notice that the car to my left has their front end in front of me. So I let them over. They then proceed to turn on their RIGHT blinker and try to make their way over two more lanes of traffic in order to reach the right hand turn lane. Normally this wouldn't be such a big deal, but we are TWO CAR LENGTHS from the red light. No sh**. This car is going to cause a huge pile up because they're too f***ing lazy to go down to the next light, make a u-turn, and come back to the road they need to be on. The lady was even holding her hand out the window trying to flag down cars doing 55+ to stop and let them over as the driver proceeded to stick the nose of his small car into their lane.

AAAAAHHHHHHHH! But I avoided an accident and road rage by thinking how much fun I would have venting about it to you folks.

Not a happy camper

So I take my youngest to the doctor to get his check up today. He had to get five shots. GOT THAT? FIVE! He was sort of behind because I have been slack in the check up department. I have four kids, sue me.

So I'm all like, that's a lot for a 19 month old. Couldn't we just spread them out and I'll come back every other month? Oh it's fine, she says. I would do all EIGHT, but really five is the most we give at one time. It's average, no big deal. WHAT?

Then she asks if he still takes a bottle. I'm all like "No he never took one." Her "So does he still breastfeed?" Me "At bedtime." I know, I know. Don't send me hate mail. I NEVER thought I would breastfeed a kid after the age of one. Truth be told, the others only made it to three months.

THEN she says, "I can't believe he's done (breastfeeding) so well since he's tongue-tied." Yes, it's a real condition. But it hasn't seemed to hurt him one bit.

THEN she says, "He's in the 50% of his age group. Is he drinking any whole milk?" NO!
"You really should be giving him whole milk to help him gain weight. I would feel better knowing he was getting all of those nutrients."

WTF! Isn't breastmilk suppose to be best for babies? So I'm suppose to stop with the breastfeeding and give him COW'S MILK? So I can what? FATTEN HIM UP!?!
Did I miss something? The boy eats anything you put in front of him. Fruits, veggies, meat, desserts, everything-AND I told her this. But I'm suppose to give him cow's milk to fatten him up and this from the woman who is about to inject five different chemicals into his little body and then play guess which one causes the allergic reaction if there is one.

I'm not an extremist but that shit just makes me want to up and join a commune!!

This Says It All

I had a post all ready for today and I didn't write it down so now it's lost somewhere in the dark, dank, vastness of my ever shrinking brain. So now I'm at a loss for words, but WTH, Bring It ON!

Made me do a double take

I drove past a church today with a sign out front that made me wonder, are the marquees in front of churches for the people that go to that church or for those who don't?
I wonder this because here's what it said: "Remember you are not someone special. You are a sinner saved by grace."

I think I get the point that they were trying to make, however, if you attend that church then wouldn't a sermon on Sunday be more appropriate? And if it's for those that don't attend church, I don't believe that statement is going to have people breaking down the doors to get in.

I understand that as Christians we should remember that we are not owed the forgiveness that Christ died for, it is a gift. But obviously we are someone special or else HE wouldn't have died for us at all.

Just thought that they were shooting themselves in the foot with this one.

Stupid Signs Abound

Maybe this was the sign the driver in front of me was reading the other day. Of course it also goes with something that happened when I was little.

My mom got caught going the wrong way down a one way street. The cop told her, "This is a one way street" Her response was "I was only going one way."

Thankfully we were out of town and the cop had a sense of humor.