What?

I'm watching this commercial where this lady bites a pair of golf clubs and bends them in half. Then she ribs the convertible top off a car with her teeth. Then tears a tire into shreds. All with her teeth. It's an orbitz gum commercial.
Here's the kicker. Half way through the commercial, in small print, it says Do Not Attempt.
WHAT? Do Not Attempt. Helloooo? Is this necessary? And if it is, do you think those stupid people are reading the tiny little letters at the bottom of the screen? NOOOOO. They're sitting there thinking "Hey cool. If I get some Orbitz gum then I'll have Superteeth. Hey dude, let's go get some, I wanna go rip the tires off Bob's car."
Again, I'm like WHAT?

WTF?

So I'm driving down the expressway, going about 80, along with everyone else. The speedlimit is 70. So we're crusing along and everyone spot a cop on the median. well, most people start taking their foot off the gas. Although at this point he's already zapped someone so it's a lost cause. Suddenly the mustang in front of me (in the fast lane) 'spots' the cop. We're directly across from him. He slams on his brakes. Got that? We're doing 80 on the expressway and he slams on his brakes. He slams on his freakin' brakes. So I have to slam on mine (there's no way to get over yet). I'm all like WTF? I swerve over to the next lane and look in my rearview mirror and guess who gets pulled over? Yep, the mustang. I'm guessing it wasn't for speeding. LOL How about for trying to cause a freakin pile up so that you don't get a freakin' speeding ticket!!
Again I say WTF? Of course since no one was hurt I was cracking up.

Name on Card

So I'm talking to a biz friend the other day on the phone and she starts cracking up. I'm like 'what what?'
You know when you fill out a credit payment form online and it says Name On Card?
How many of you realize that means YOUR name? No really. It wants you to put the name of the person who is listed on the card.
Know what? Some people have put: Chase, Bank of America, American Express Blue

How do you do Mr. Blue? Do you go by American Express or just American or is it A.E.?
Come on. You know it's funny.
Makes you just shake your head and smile, doesn't it?

My Own Stupid

How many of you have ever had dirty dishes in the sink and company will be there in 5 minutes? Confession time: How many of you shove the dirty dishes in the oven for temporary cleaning?
I'm sure I'm not the only one guilty of this. Come on, I know at least a handful of you have done it.
Well, note to self, DO NOT DO THIS AGAIN! Burnt plastic is not a smell you want first thing in the morning. All I have to say is praise God that the plastic wasn't sitting directly on the oven racks. But I don't think there will be a next time. LOL

Phone calls

Ever have this happen to you?
You're sitting at home and someone calls. During the call you tell the person you need to go so call back in a few minutes. Their response is sure, are you home?
What?!? You called me remember.

Thoughts in my head

If the Waffle House (a southern restaurant) is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year, then why are there locks on the doors?

Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?

Why is it that it can be 70 degrees in the house and if the sun is out it feels warm but if it's cloudy then it feels cold? It's still the same freakin' temperature!!!!

Label on shampoo: Do not store below 40 degrees. Question: How often do you freeze your shampoo?

Why do we tell our kids nite nite don't let the bed bugs bite and then expect them to sleep (with the imaginary bugs) oh but by the way there are no monsters. What?

Size Doesn't Matter

We recently got a puppy. A papillion. For those who don't know what that is, it's a lap dog. I didn't know what it was either.
Well she weighs less than 10 lbs right now. When I take her outside she insists on trying to chase cars. Each time a car goes by she perks her ears up and runs to the end of her leash.
I'm like, what are you going to do if you catch one? Wrap your teeth around the bumper and hang on for dear life?
Plus she barks like she's a big dog. Our neighbor's dog was outside the other day (he can knock down a grown man) and it started barking at our puppy. She stands up and just started yapping right back, like 'bring it on big boy'. I was almost rolling on the ground.